Butterflies

Just a warning friends.. This one's cheesy. My inner daydreamer is coming out.

BUT!

What do you think of the whole concept of butterflies? That feeling in your stomach when you think of someone or when you're with them or whatever. I've decided butterflies are smart. I think maybe.. maybe butterflies are telling you that this person you are with or thinking of, you need them. At this point in your life, you are meant to have found them and to learn from them. Because butterflies don't just happen. Those butterflies are smart. So listen to them. Let yourself get close to someone, learn from them, grow.

Orrr maybe I'm just a crazy girl thinking way too deeply about a bug. Maybe.

Texting

Okay, something that's been getting on my nerves lately... texting. Not even texting, but the reactions people have to texting. I'm not always the type of person who responds immediately after receiving a text. In fact, I'm never that type of person. I'll probably respond within the next hour or so, and for those of you that text me, you know this. And sometimes, people get mad at me for it! Okay maybe not mad, but they just get frustrated with me because I don't answer right away. If you want an immediate answer, CALL ME!!! That's what the phone is for! With texting, it's actually really convenient. No matter how long I wait, the text will still be there. I can read it immediately, or maybe in 10 minutes when I've finished pooping, or maybe in a couple of hours when I'm done getting my haircut. I don't HAVE to read it right away, because the message will still be there! And then, when I'm good and ready, I can answer.

I understand that sometimes, timing can be horrible. If you profess your love to someone for the first time, or ask a personal question, or give a compliment; and then that person decides to wait hours to respond. Yeah, that kind of sucks because then you're sitting there thinking, 'Great, now they think I'm a freak.' This has happened to me plenty of times so I'm sorry if I've done it to you! But STILL! First of all (after rereading this I realize I go on a rant after saying 'first of all' sooo there is no second of all, just letting you know so you're not expecting one), don't profess your love or ask super urgent questions over text if you're not willing to wait for the answer. If you need an answer right away, dial my stinking phone number and call me! By texting, you've given me the opportunity to sit and think of the perfect answer. To be honest, I think in general people are more likely to get turned down if they ask someone on a date over text because then that person has all the time in the world to think of a polite way to turn you down. Whereas, if you ask them in person or on the phone, it's like PRESSURE'S ON and they'll probably give you a chance.

Anyway, back to why I take so long to answer text messages (this was supposed to be the second of all). I get busy! Or distracted! Or sometimes I just don't want to text because I'm sick of dealing with my phone's stupid keyboard! So I just don't answer right away. It's nothing personal. If I really have something against you, I'll let you know. Well when people find out that I don't text back because I was busy or just didn't feel like texting, they'll say, "Then why didn't you just tell me that you're going for a run so I know your busy?" I don't tell you that because saying that would end the conversation! I'd say "Can't talk now. Busy." and then you'd say "Alright, bye." No! That's not what I want! I don't want to tell you I'm busy because I'm enjoying our conversation so much that I don't want it to end! I want to continue our intriguing conversation when I'm done playing Phase 10 with my family or whatever I'm doing.

So in reality, if I take hours to respond to your text messages, you should take that as a compliment! It means I want to continue our conversation after eating my bagel. Or maybe in the morning after my nightly dose of REM. In fact, if you get a message from me saying "Good night!" or "I've got to go" THAT'S when you should worry, because that means I'm no longer enjoying our conversation enough to keep it going as an endless text discussion. But actually, I just realized that sometimes I'll say good night to people I really enjoy talking to because I think saying good night is sweet and I want to wish them a happy sleep time. Or sometimes I'll say good night because I'm confident enough in our friendship that I know I can expect a new conversation to start the next day. So I guess you'll never know with that one.

The point is, don't take it personally when I take a while to respond to a text message. I might be walking my dog, except I don't have one, but you get the idea.

Reputations

I don't know if you know this, and it might be really obvious, but people really care about how others view them. Lately I've noticed just how much people care, and it's crazy! It's completely understandable.. but it's crazy! A little while ago I was venting to my best friend, Summer, about something this guy did that really kind of made me angry. He found out that I told Summer, and he flipped out at me! His exact words were "What are people going to think???" They are going to think that you're a jerk that's what. But that's not even it. First, she's my best friend and I'm going to tell her everything, that's just a thing. Second, you can't expect people not to find out about your actions. You can't hope for a good reputation when you aren't doing things to build that reputation. Third, is that really the first thing you're worried about? What are people going to think? Yeah, seems legit.

Anyway, this post isn't just about that. How many times have you heard someone say, "Please don't put that picture on Facebook"? I totally understand this situation more than the last one though. There are definitely pictures out there that I'm embarrassed about. And it's particularly suckish when someone happens to catch a picture of you doing something you aren't very proud of. But still! No one looks great in every picture, and every one makes mistakes. The only reason I can understand being worried about pictures on Facebook is because nowadays colleges and job interviewers look on Facebook to check out their applicants. Oh! Another thing about Facebook pictures. Now that it's summer time, there are a lot more beach pictures being thrown up on Facebook, which means topless guys and girls in bikinis. This isn't proven or anything, but if you look a little closer at those pictures, it definitely seems like all of the guys are flexing and the girls are sucking in. Which just cracks me up. Of course every one wants to look good and show off how good they can look, but come on. By sucking in, it's not like I'm all of a sudden that skinny. And it's not like I'm obese in the first place! But yet, I worry, just like every one else, how I'm going to look in this picture. So why do we care so much? I don't know. We're in college I guess.

Another thing I've noticed is how scared some people are to be themselves in public. I'm definitely guilty of this so I can understand why people do it. Summer and I are crazy when we're together, but would I act like that around someone I just met? Probably not. I don't want them to think I'm some lunatic or something! Even if I am a lunatic, I don't want them to think that haha. But what if they are a lunatic too and if we both acted like we do with our best friends, what if we would get along super well??? This kind of reminds me of Shel Silverstein's poem called Masks. 

I don't know if I'm still really talking about reputations or masks or public images or what. But hey, that's what I'm thinking.

Nasty, Polygamist, Cultist Freaks

Okay. So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've realized that in high school, I fit in just fine because most everyone around me was Mormon. Now I go to a college that is pretty opposite from home. When I first showed up, my roommate was upset and all I heard for about 10 minutes was eff eff eff EFFFFF haha so little plebe Megan looked at her with wide eyes thinking WHAT?! I didn't realize how much of a bubble I was in back home. Now, two years later, I'm used to the real world and I realize that I've been trying to fit in  to this new culture, but now I know that's not going to happen. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I'm a Mormon.

We've all heard the "no body's perfect" speech and the "everyone makes mistakes" talk. Well it's true. We all make mistakes every day, and recently I made one that offended a couple people. After all of the apologizing, one of those people later voiced that Mormons are "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks." I made a mistake and this person has every right to be upset. But I'm sorry that she associates my mistake with my religion because being LDS is the best thing about my life.

As far as nasty, I shower every day, wear deodorant  and brush my teeth at least twice a day. My church does not tolerate polygamy and we haven't for about 150 years now. I don't know where the cult idea came from, but I'll tell you that I believe in God, the Eternal Father, and his son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost. I believe the Bible to be the word of God, as far as it is translated correctly, and I also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God. As for the freak part, we are different, sure, but I wouldn't say it's a bad thing.

People ask me all of the time "You don't drink right?" No I don't, and I can still have a blast on a Saturday night. Or "Wait, how do you survive at this place without coffee?" I stay awake by other means, mainly doodling. Or "You go to church for 3 hours every week?!" Yes I do, and I love every minute of it.

I'm not saying my lifestyle is better than anyone else's, but it makes me happy.

Going to church for 3 hours every Sunday and then hanging out with some of the best people I know. That makes me happy. Going to Family Home Evening every Monday night makes me happy. Going to study and learn about the scriptures every Tuesday night. Writing to all my friends who are serving missions. Wearing a swimsuit that covers my stomach. Using insults like lamehead or dumb bum instead of curse words. All of this is who I am. It's a part of me, and it makes me happy.

From a Rock to a Diamond

Everyone makes mistakes, and sometimes those mistakes end up hurting people. Sometimes the mistaken one doesn't even realize they did anything wrong, and sometimes they feel as though they aren't any better than dirt. Sometimes the offended one chooses to hold a grudge, and sometimes they choose to forgive.

It's hard to forgive when a rock messes with a diamond.

But sometimes you just need to clear the dust away and you'll find that the rock is a gem too. Maybe not a diamond, maybe a sapphire, or a ruby, but when it comes down to it, you've got two gems who've been through a lot. Two gems who are a lot more alike than you first thought.

But I get it. It's hard to look past all of the dust when you've been hurt.

Strangers

It's amazing how one day you can tell a person all of your secrets, admit to them everything that haunts you. You can stay up all night confiding in each other about your biggest trials in life, and that person will assure you that they'll always be there for you. They'll tell you that you can trust them. They'll promise, promise, promise.

Then a few days later, that person just leaves.

The person who knows all of your secrets pretends to not even know your name. The person who promised to be there for you won't even call you their friend. And when you're hated for something you've done wrong, they pretend they never saw a light in you.

It makes you wonder what kind of friendship you could have had if things had gone a little differently.